Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
