Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
