Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
