i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
