i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
