She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
