i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
