No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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