So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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