We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
