i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
