How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
