I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
