talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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