I faked an abortion last night.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
