My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
