i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
a search helicopter?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
