And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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