Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
