found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
