Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
