after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
