Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
