Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
