I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
