Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
