Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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