I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
