im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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