sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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