yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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