Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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