Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
