What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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