i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
