what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
