My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
