im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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