Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
