office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
