High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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