when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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