You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
