I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
