If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
