I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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