You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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