I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
