You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
