If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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