She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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