Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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