Little spoons don't ask big questions
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
