Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
