there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
