i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Help me help you realize you are a moron
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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