This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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