PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
