Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
