I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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