if you like me you must not know who I am
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
