so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
