cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
