the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
