i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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