im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
