I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
