forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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