I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
