What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
