I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I supernannyed him into submission
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
