You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
