is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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