I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
