took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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