I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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