when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
