i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
